Tag Archive | memories

MAKE THE EFFORT!

How many times do we say that we are going to keep in touch with people, then you realise a few months have gone by and before you know it you are sending the obligatory Christmas card again and you still have not met up with them?   One of my new year resolutions was to see friends more and not get stuck in the same rut like most years.  It really makes you think though when friends do not live that far away and you end up not seeing them for years, why do we do that?  Are our lives really that full these days?  Are we lazy, can’t be bothered?  I think my answer is that I do like my own space and prefer to be on my own, doing what I want and by that I mean if I am having a few bad days and in pain then it is a few jama days or I am writing, reading or just sitting in the garden.  I see my grandchildren every week also face time them, I seem to get worn out just listening to them sometimes and I look back and am amazed at what I used to get done with three small children.  

I met up with a friend I went to school with, after talking for a bit we worked out that it was 20 years since we had seen each other and we live under an hour away from each other!  How mad is that but we also both said that we just did not realise it was that long and when they come up on FaceBook you think about them and say to yourself, I must go see them.  

It was a very good two and a half hours chatting in the cafe though and remembering school days, friends and what we got up to.  We both left school at 16 and got jobs, I was saving to move out and we went on a day trip to Westgate on Sea near Margate, Kent as that was where I was going to move to…..I had had a couple of good holidays there and first love summer romance so it was the place I was heading!   Picture not very clear but that was me.

 

I never did get there as met another boy who was to become my husband and moved in with him, but that is another story.  

The last year at school was fun, I had a crush on a teacher and after seeing the picture of him again the other day I am not sure what I was thinking and his name was Mr Lamb…….I bet there would be a few jokes going round school today with that name, Lol but I guess it was better than Mr Pringle!!!!    I will save you from the photo of them but this is the four friends Karen, Michelle, Mary and Wendy.  Why do you never believe people when they say these are the best days of your life? As they really are,  I did also like the skiving off to go down to Mote Park swimming pool as the life guards were rather hot too, I remember a teacher driving past us and we all ran away so fast and we never got caught. Happy memories and a great time spent with an old friend and we really are not going to leave it so long before we do it again. 

 

MEMORIES

IMG_3251.JPGWe all have memories from our childhood whether they be good or bad but do you find that say bad memories are associated with a certain person and the same with good memories? We never seem to have an instant recollection of both good and bad from one person we think about. Or is it me? I know I have to think really hard to find a bad memory about my grandad all, I can come up with is one small slap on my leg when I was about 10 for saying shit when the handle of my hairbrush broke and at that moment grandad walked in the room and heard me, I don’t think he even had time to think about what to say or do as the slap was instant and I am not sure who was most shocked as he left the room and then Nan came in to see what was going on. It was the only time I was ever smacked so that is probably why I remember it. I used it as a weapon during my childhood as I obviously realised I could as he felt bad, I think I got a few pens, paper and books out of it.

Bad memories are harder to deal with and this was bought up in creative writing this week as it made us think about characters feelings. I had one person come to mind instantly that I have so many bad memories of and it really is hard to think of anything good about this person. I did not even want to think about her as the memories still hurt but I was amazed at the amount of feelings, words and explanations it made me think about. So I have lots of good material about good and bad feelings to use in my stories.

The above picture is a book I bought at a workshop I went to and I must say it is brilliant and helps you to plot and think about the sequence of events in your story. It is written by Penny Grubb who I met and is a lovely lady and Danuta Reah and I would recommend that you invest in it.

All your life events no matter how small can be dramatised into a story and I find that once you sit and think about it you get stories from everywhere, even sitting in the coffee shop observing and listening to other people. Stories are everywhere, I just wish I could get them all down in a good enough way to be printed.

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MEMORIES

I still find it amazing that certain things can evoke such strong memories for ourselves. Never knowing when something, someone, a picture, a smell or anything good or bad will again fill our heads and therefor affect our emotions, which we have no control over, I sometimes wish we did as laughing in an assembly, crying in the cinema or laughing in the library can be a problem…that’s just a few examples, I am sure you have lots more. We can control to a degree how we express these emotions and I guess it’s like pushing something in a jar and getting the lid on it and turning it so it won’t come out. The emotion is still in your head, how long will it stay there? No answer to that as we all deal with memories in our own way, happiness is a good one we all like to remember happy times. I have a lovely one for when I go in a garden and smell Lilly of The Valley, it takes me right back to where I lived as a child standing by the back door and seeing them all growing to the left, the smell hitting you as you stepped out into the garden. I can vividly see everything in that memory and it makes me feel happy but is that all? It should be, but then I get the feeling of sadness as I cannot go back there to the garden and my grandparents.

Yesterday is a memory, we create them good and bad. It’s the bad memories that are hard to deal with, some people finding it harder than others. Just forget about it, people say but can you when you are hurt, troubled or upset about them? So then a memory is affecting your tomorrow, how do you stop that? For some people the memory controls their lives, it’s always there, you cannot get rid of it, it’s upsetting. How to control your mind? Is that possible? You can start by pulling the memory apart, for instance. Why are you upset? Is it wrong to be upset? Only you know the answers but what I have learnt is that yes a lot of times it is ok to feel sad, angry, scared or what ever emotion it brings to you. It is ok, most people would think yes that would make me feel sad. The memory made you feel really scared, is it ok to feel scared? Yes, most people would feel scared so it is ok.

We do not feel the emotion of compassion for ourselves, we have to learn it. Once you start thinking about yourself and looking after yourself it helps. An example, you are in a car sitting in traffic singing along to the radio. BANG the car behind hits yours! Damage to cars, exchange address you drive off, neck hurts, your shaking. You get home take tablets and lay down after a couple days luckily your neck is ok.
You get ready to go to the shop feeling fine, you step out of the house and look at the car and panic, you feel sick, you can’t breath, your crying as you run inside the house. This happens for over a month, friends, family keep saying “just get in the car, you’ll be fine, stop worrying” etc etc
STOP, you were in an accident, it’s ok to feel scared to get in your car. It’s ok to feel frightened that it might happen again. It’s ok to be upset about it.
You know how you feel, not everybody else. Be compassionate to yourself, let yourself feel ok to the feelings. Have compassion for you.

I learnt this only a little while ago and it has helped me immensely, I am not wrong for having these feelings. It has helped me as I haven’t had a panic attack since learning to be compassionate for myself. I’m not saying this is the answer for everything but you do not know till you try these things and when I learnt about it I then started to understand myself a little bit.

I have another good memory that came to me very unexpected yesterday, I was looking through Pinterest….I love it and think I am a tiny bit addicted to it, you should try it.

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I saw this picture and it is the exact same jewellery box that my Nan had, my Uncle bought it home for her when he was in the Navy. I used to play with it and get all her jewellery out and dress up with it all.

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I was always asking Nan for it and when I got older she used to say that one day it would come to me. I grew up and then my daughter played with the jewellery box just like I did and she loved it. Happy memory…..sad memory, my Uncles wife took the jewellery box and I have never seen it again. It’s ok for me to have these feelings even a bit of anger in there, I am compassionate to myself, I still have all the feelings but its ok to have them even if I cry, it’s OK.

REMEMBERING

I love looking through the images on Google from years ago, you think you have forgotten but then a picture can stir up memories buried deep in the recesses of your brain. I always find it amazing that just one small picture will make you remember a whole day or even an event in your life that happened when you were a child. We forget how much things have changed as it happens day to day without us even noticing. Were things better back then or does our memory play tricks on us and only remember the really good things or even the really bad things? How far can you remember back, I have asked some people that question and it seems to be that there was some event in childhood that can be thought about easily and very vivid but then nothing before that. This is true for myself as I had my appendix removed when I was seven years old, I can tell you every detail of that day and my week in hospital and the holiday afterwards so I could recover at the seaside. But nothing at all before that happened, is that because an event whether it happy or traumatic seems to erase memories from before, or can our brains only store a certain amount of history? How much can our brains hold, is there a limit?

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I never did really get the hang of this but maybe that was because I was pretty hopeless at drawing anything.

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I loved making the different patterns with a change of pen colour.

Can you remember when you went to the seaside and there was always donkeys on the sand that you could a ride on? You do not see that very often now.

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I can remember receiving these Green Shield Stamps from shops and garages I think, I used to love looking through the book and deciding what my Nan and Grandad were going to get, sometimes there were so many books that you filled to get a good gift.

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I think I have given you a few memories there, what are your best bits from your childhood? Are any of your memories the same as children of today, do we all remember the same sort of things? When ever I start remembering things from long ago I always want to find a time travel machine and go back there, some things were so much better then, that is the good memories coming back.

Have fun remembering xx